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Apr. 27th, 2005 02:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valancystirlingIn the middle of another of our "Where are we moving to and why" discussions this morning, it was pointed out to me that I have, in fact, married a yankee. This train of thought led me to the previously unrealised fact that I am currently incubating a half-yankee.
I don't know exactly what this means, but I feel contaminated.
Jake actually said this morning that he would consider moving to Texas.
I felt a moment of triumph, and then remembered I'm not 100% sure that's what I'd really want. I just don't know.
When I first left Houston, I was in a bad way, pissed off at life, running away from a life and from people that seemed to do nothing but hurt me. In the process, I also left my home, my family, my friends, and a whole culture that I didn't realise was so significant in my life.
Still, despite a lot of bravado and bad feelings, I'M NEVER GOING BACK!, I have always thought in the back of my mind that all of this was just a long vacation. Just a chance to get out, see the world, prove myself to myself, and then when I felt ready, I'd go back home a more educated and world-wise type of person. I never wanted to be that type of person who has no concept of anything outside of Texas, or outside the US. I didn't want that limited mindset I encountered so frequently.
Only, I encounter that mindset here too, but it's far more annoying to me here for some reason. I suppose it's because somehow Texas has a more unified culture in some ways. I'm not even sure I could explain what I mean by that, but I feel that it's true.
The only glitch in my plans was meeting Jake. I still haven't exactly figured out what happened there, but at that point, I seem to have totally given up all my big plans and ambition, I sort of settled back into the same pointless routine I had been in in Houston, and never really made any progress. No formal education, no incredibly wonderful experiences (except Ireland), no real independence. To an extent this was a choice, but it was definitely largely unconscious. Jake made it so easy for me, and I had never had it easy before. I just got too relaxed.
But Jake doesn't like the heat, is afraid of what will happen to Texas when there is no more oil, and is probably just afraid of the inevitable culture shock.
Still, there are plenty of reasons against going back to Texas now.
It IS very hot. Even in the places where it's not 100% hunmidity all year, it's still hot. And Houston is really the only city in Texas that I love. I don't care for Dallas, and while Austin is a neat place to visit, I never seriously thought of living there. Anyway, I know very little about rural Texas other than where I grew up, which isn't an option anymore because it's grown up so much since I left. We're more interested in being far on the outskirts of a city, in a rural area, with lots of land for farming and and playing and whatever else. I don't like the idea of being more than a few hours away from the coast. I'm now living as far inland as I ever have in my life. I don't like it one bit.
I do love the hills here, and I think this area is gorgeous. But that's really all it has going for it. I know I tend to harp on the negative, and on what I DON'T have instead of focusing on what I DO have, but still. There's not much here, for me at least. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing here. I would love to have a job I enjoy and am good at. I would love to have a regular yoga class to go to, and knitting groups that I don't have to make pitiful attempts to start myself. I want to be able to spend a day lost in a museum, and not have to drive for 4 hours to get to it. I would like a concert now and then. I would love to be around people who have been outside of this state. I've talked to way too many people here who have lived here their entire lives and never been as far as NYC. I can't IMAGINE that.
I want trees and a ton of open space, rivers or lakes, beautiful parks, tree-lined streets, actual warm summers, cold winters with some snow but not a huge amount, within a few hours' drive of the ocean, within an hour or so drive of a big city with cultural attractions and good shopping and interesting places to wander. I want an Iyengar yoga school within easy enough distance that I can go to five times a week if I want to. I want to live amongst people who realise there is a whole big world out there, and who are friendly but not overbearing, educated but not pretentious, and somewhat family-oriented. I want to be around people who will talk to you instead of just look you over coldly and not say a word. I want good schools and good hospitals fairly nearby. I want big gardens and maybe a few sheep running around. I want an Old English Sheepdog and a pet pig. I want to grow all my own vegetables and make all my own jam and pickles and spaghetti sauce. I want to spend my days baking bread and playing with kids in the mud, and doing crafty projects and riding a bike down a shaded lane, and taking trips into town so the kids can see what it's like to take public transportation, and a million other things.
I have no idea where to go to have all of this.
I don't know exactly what this means, but I feel contaminated.
Jake actually said this morning that he would consider moving to Texas.
I felt a moment of triumph, and then remembered I'm not 100% sure that's what I'd really want. I just don't know.
When I first left Houston, I was in a bad way, pissed off at life, running away from a life and from people that seemed to do nothing but hurt me. In the process, I also left my home, my family, my friends, and a whole culture that I didn't realise was so significant in my life.
Still, despite a lot of bravado and bad feelings, I'M NEVER GOING BACK!, I have always thought in the back of my mind that all of this was just a long vacation. Just a chance to get out, see the world, prove myself to myself, and then when I felt ready, I'd go back home a more educated and world-wise type of person. I never wanted to be that type of person who has no concept of anything outside of Texas, or outside the US. I didn't want that limited mindset I encountered so frequently.
Only, I encounter that mindset here too, but it's far more annoying to me here for some reason. I suppose it's because somehow Texas has a more unified culture in some ways. I'm not even sure I could explain what I mean by that, but I feel that it's true.
The only glitch in my plans was meeting Jake. I still haven't exactly figured out what happened there, but at that point, I seem to have totally given up all my big plans and ambition, I sort of settled back into the same pointless routine I had been in in Houston, and never really made any progress. No formal education, no incredibly wonderful experiences (except Ireland), no real independence. To an extent this was a choice, but it was definitely largely unconscious. Jake made it so easy for me, and I had never had it easy before. I just got too relaxed.
But Jake doesn't like the heat, is afraid of what will happen to Texas when there is no more oil, and is probably just afraid of the inevitable culture shock.
Still, there are plenty of reasons against going back to Texas now.
It IS very hot. Even in the places where it's not 100% hunmidity all year, it's still hot. And Houston is really the only city in Texas that I love. I don't care for Dallas, and while Austin is a neat place to visit, I never seriously thought of living there. Anyway, I know very little about rural Texas other than where I grew up, which isn't an option anymore because it's grown up so much since I left. We're more interested in being far on the outskirts of a city, in a rural area, with lots of land for farming and and playing and whatever else. I don't like the idea of being more than a few hours away from the coast. I'm now living as far inland as I ever have in my life. I don't like it one bit.
I do love the hills here, and I think this area is gorgeous. But that's really all it has going for it. I know I tend to harp on the negative, and on what I DON'T have instead of focusing on what I DO have, but still. There's not much here, for me at least. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing here. I would love to have a job I enjoy and am good at. I would love to have a regular yoga class to go to, and knitting groups that I don't have to make pitiful attempts to start myself. I want to be able to spend a day lost in a museum, and not have to drive for 4 hours to get to it. I would like a concert now and then. I would love to be around people who have been outside of this state. I've talked to way too many people here who have lived here their entire lives and never been as far as NYC. I can't IMAGINE that.
I want trees and a ton of open space, rivers or lakes, beautiful parks, tree-lined streets, actual warm summers, cold winters with some snow but not a huge amount, within a few hours' drive of the ocean, within an hour or so drive of a big city with cultural attractions and good shopping and interesting places to wander. I want an Iyengar yoga school within easy enough distance that I can go to five times a week if I want to. I want to live amongst people who realise there is a whole big world out there, and who are friendly but not overbearing, educated but not pretentious, and somewhat family-oriented. I want to be around people who will talk to you instead of just look you over coldly and not say a word. I want good schools and good hospitals fairly nearby. I want big gardens and maybe a few sheep running around. I want an Old English Sheepdog and a pet pig. I want to grow all my own vegetables and make all my own jam and pickles and spaghetti sauce. I want to spend my days baking bread and playing with kids in the mud, and doing crafty projects and riding a bike down a shaded lane, and taking trips into town so the kids can see what it's like to take public transportation, and a million other things.
I have no idea where to go to have all of this.
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Date: 2005-04-28 01:28 pm (UTC)Is it as expensive and rainy as people say? We're talking about planning some short trips to different places to check them out, and Seattle is way up on my list.
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Date: 2005-04-28 10:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 01:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 01:23 am (UTC)