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Feb. 11th, 2006 05:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valancystirlingWe managed to stay up most of the night watching Scrubs. Jake went to bed an hour ago, at which time Topaz promptly woke up and decided that sleepytime is over. Ah well, it's to be expected, since I can't seem to sleep except during the day. I managed to get 6 hours of sleep this afternoon, and now that I think about it, I shouldn't have woken Topaz up then. I could have totally caught up on sleep.
So we're up. I'm not going to worry over Topie being awake, because it's not like I can sleep anyway. I really don't know what the problem is. I have never had this much trouble with sleep before. I wouldn't care, because it's not like I have a job, or a social life, or really any reason to care if I sleep all day. Except for that stupid post office thing. I have all these things that need to be mailed and I keep missing it. I was so hoping tomorrow would be the day...who knows. It's 5am now. Maybe I can get Jake to go?
I'm losing tons of hair lately. I read that it would happen, and here it is. I'm shedding everywhere and it's driving me nuts. Also, I need to get some more hair clippies or rubber bands or something. My hair has gotten so long and it's always in my face.
This whole mother thing has changed everything for me. Obviously I knew it would, but I'm kind of overwhelmed thinking about it. It's weird not to be working or looking for a job, and not to interact with people on a daily basis, and to be totally dependent on Jake. My whole life revolves around this little girl, and I have to say that I'm glad it's that way. My mom stayed home with us, and it was incredibly nice to know that if I got sick and had to leave school early, my mom would always be there to come pick me up. Very often she would come on class field trips with us, she was my Brownies troop leader one year, she could come have lunch with me sometimes (even in 6th grade, my friends used to always ask if my mom would come for lunch--she was more popular than I was, but it was fine), and she was just always there. We never had to come home to an empty house. And while I am in awe of working mothers, it's not what I ever wanted for my own family. I love the idea that I can always be there for our kids. I love that I don't have to miss her first steps, or pass her off to someone else all day. I feel like I'm really doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and what I want to be doing. Even though I sometimes think about other directions I might have gone, ultimately this is the right thing.
That's not to say that maybe I won't take classes or have a part time job when the kids are older, but I am in no big hurry to do those things right now.
So we're up. I'm not going to worry over Topie being awake, because it's not like I can sleep anyway. I really don't know what the problem is. I have never had this much trouble with sleep before. I wouldn't care, because it's not like I have a job, or a social life, or really any reason to care if I sleep all day. Except for that stupid post office thing. I have all these things that need to be mailed and I keep missing it. I was so hoping tomorrow would be the day...who knows. It's 5am now. Maybe I can get Jake to go?
I'm losing tons of hair lately. I read that it would happen, and here it is. I'm shedding everywhere and it's driving me nuts. Also, I need to get some more hair clippies or rubber bands or something. My hair has gotten so long and it's always in my face.
This whole mother thing has changed everything for me. Obviously I knew it would, but I'm kind of overwhelmed thinking about it. It's weird not to be working or looking for a job, and not to interact with people on a daily basis, and to be totally dependent on Jake. My whole life revolves around this little girl, and I have to say that I'm glad it's that way. My mom stayed home with us, and it was incredibly nice to know that if I got sick and had to leave school early, my mom would always be there to come pick me up. Very often she would come on class field trips with us, she was my Brownies troop leader one year, she could come have lunch with me sometimes (even in 6th grade, my friends used to always ask if my mom would come for lunch--she was more popular than I was, but it was fine), and she was just always there. We never had to come home to an empty house. And while I am in awe of working mothers, it's not what I ever wanted for my own family. I love the idea that I can always be there for our kids. I love that I don't have to miss her first steps, or pass her off to someone else all day. I feel like I'm really doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and what I want to be doing. Even though I sometimes think about other directions I might have gone, ultimately this is the right thing.
That's not to say that maybe I won't take classes or have a part time job when the kids are older, but I am in no big hurry to do those things right now.
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Date: 2006-02-11 10:02 pm (UTC)Doorknob.
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Date: 2006-02-12 01:48 am (UTC)Thank you!