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May. 7th, 2004 10:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valancystirlingSo maybe I won't wear a dress tonight. All my dresses are sleeveless summery dresses and I can't seem to find anything in the closet that I could wear over them to make them respectable. Grr. Oh well. Maybe I'll shock them another way and show up in what I'm wearing now: yoga pants and a sleeveless top. Yeah, that would go over really well.
Yesterday I did something horrible that I still feel guilty about. There's this little spider that lives outside on the patio door. I've seen it there any number of times and not been particularly bothered by it. I've always been on pretty good terms with small spiders that stay in one place and don't attack me. Whatever. So yesterday I left the door open a crack and later I saw that little spider crawling into the living room. I was not really upset by this. I grabbed a piece of paper and tried to coax the spider onto it for safe transmission back outside. Several attempts failed, and eventually i got frustrated and decided to flick the spider with the paper. A couple of sound flicks sent it flying back out to its little domain. But then I realised it looked hurt. It ran off to a corner, but later I noticed it was still in the same place not moving. Later still I noticed it in that corner all curled up in dead-spider-pose. I literally almost cried over it. I feel actual grief over killing that poor spider who was doing nothing but a bit of harmless exploring.
Jake and I both have a no-killing policy. Whenever there is an option to collect a bug and take it outside, that's what we do. I feel slight devastation if i accidentally step on a bug outside even. I am all upset over the fact that I hurt that little spider and it might have suffered until it died. Ugh. This only exacerbates my feeling that I'm only on this planet to take up space, waste oxygen, and plod along with my monster human feet destroying everything that has the misfortune to be in my path. What a lovely thought. My consolation is that soon enough i'll be feeding a bunch of worms who will no doubt be terribly grateful for my existence on this planet.
Yesterday I did something horrible that I still feel guilty about. There's this little spider that lives outside on the patio door. I've seen it there any number of times and not been particularly bothered by it. I've always been on pretty good terms with small spiders that stay in one place and don't attack me. Whatever. So yesterday I left the door open a crack and later I saw that little spider crawling into the living room. I was not really upset by this. I grabbed a piece of paper and tried to coax the spider onto it for safe transmission back outside. Several attempts failed, and eventually i got frustrated and decided to flick the spider with the paper. A couple of sound flicks sent it flying back out to its little domain. But then I realised it looked hurt. It ran off to a corner, but later I noticed it was still in the same place not moving. Later still I noticed it in that corner all curled up in dead-spider-pose. I literally almost cried over it. I feel actual grief over killing that poor spider who was doing nothing but a bit of harmless exploring.
Jake and I both have a no-killing policy. Whenever there is an option to collect a bug and take it outside, that's what we do. I feel slight devastation if i accidentally step on a bug outside even. I am all upset over the fact that I hurt that little spider and it might have suffered until it died. Ugh. This only exacerbates my feeling that I'm only on this planet to take up space, waste oxygen, and plod along with my monster human feet destroying everything that has the misfortune to be in my path. What a lovely thought. My consolation is that soon enough i'll be feeding a bunch of worms who will no doubt be terribly grateful for my existence on this planet.
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Date: 2004-05-07 01:39 pm (UTC)I always feel bad if I'm up in the morning and see earthworms on the ground, cos as soon as the sun comes up they'll perish. And I especially hate when you try to coax 'em back in the dirt they flinch and act like they're gonna jump on you. Gross.
And when there are tons of rolie polies on the ground and you have to tiptoe around so you won't squish any...it's tough being a bug.
And catepillars scare the bejeezus outta me, but I get sad whenever I see a squashed one.