(no subject)
May. 8th, 2006 04:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valancystirlingera;ljgn:DFLgn :SDFLjkn Wnm
And there you have it.
I talked to Jake a bit more about this whole stupid birth thing. I had an idea that maybe what's really bothering me after all this time is my pride, plain and simple and superficial.
I walked all through that argument and decided that I don't think it's right, even though it would have been a neat and tidy way to close the discussion.
The aspects of the whole thing that still bother me the most are...good grief, they're still so many. I won't write out the whole list AGAIN, but I will say that in some ways I feel closer to figuring it out, but still a long way off. I am so sick of this. I want to think about something else.
My mom thinks I should just go talk to J about it, but I know exactly how that would go.
Jake says she and I were just a bad match from the start. I agree. I was stuck, though. Probably next time I'll just do a hospital birth and whatever happens, happens. No, even as I write that, I know I could never, unless there was some serious and legitimate reason I needed the extra care.
So many things have pissed me off lately. I was--a while ago--a member of the lj childfree community. I was so serious about it, too. And now, those people are the people who try to make my life difficult. I see it everywhere I go. The glares, the whispering, the exaggerated physical shows of annoyance some people feel compelled to make. It's frustrating, because I know how they feel, and largely WHY they feel it. I used to be one of them. I know this isn't true for everyone, but for me and for lots of people, everything changes when you have a baby. EVERYTHING. Life is upside down. You think about things differently, from a different center. Jake's mom points out that your politics change, your priorities, EVERYTHING. And childfree people don't have any clue. Nor could they. No way. You can only smile to yourself and imagine the shock they'll feel should they ever decide to have a child. It's not about smugness, it's about being old and wise and experienced and all that crap.
I never thought it would happen, but to a large extent, I just don't relate to my childless friends the way I used to. As Jake says, the married man wonders what he ever spent his money on when he was single. And there you have it. What could I possibly have thought about way back then?
Oh my, I am riled up indeed. I feel like a whole pit of rattlesnakes.
And there you have it.
I talked to Jake a bit more about this whole stupid birth thing. I had an idea that maybe what's really bothering me after all this time is my pride, plain and simple and superficial.
I walked all through that argument and decided that I don't think it's right, even though it would have been a neat and tidy way to close the discussion.
The aspects of the whole thing that still bother me the most are...good grief, they're still so many. I won't write out the whole list AGAIN, but I will say that in some ways I feel closer to figuring it out, but still a long way off. I am so sick of this. I want to think about something else.
My mom thinks I should just go talk to J about it, but I know exactly how that would go.
Jake says she and I were just a bad match from the start. I agree. I was stuck, though. Probably next time I'll just do a hospital birth and whatever happens, happens. No, even as I write that, I know I could never, unless there was some serious and legitimate reason I needed the extra care.
So many things have pissed me off lately. I was--a while ago--a member of the lj childfree community. I was so serious about it, too. And now, those people are the people who try to make my life difficult. I see it everywhere I go. The glares, the whispering, the exaggerated physical shows of annoyance some people feel compelled to make. It's frustrating, because I know how they feel, and largely WHY they feel it. I used to be one of them. I know this isn't true for everyone, but for me and for lots of people, everything changes when you have a baby. EVERYTHING. Life is upside down. You think about things differently, from a different center. Jake's mom points out that your politics change, your priorities, EVERYTHING. And childfree people don't have any clue. Nor could they. No way. You can only smile to yourself and imagine the shock they'll feel should they ever decide to have a child. It's not about smugness, it's about being old and wise and experienced and all that crap.
I never thought it would happen, but to a large extent, I just don't relate to my childless friends the way I used to. As Jake says, the married man wonders what he ever spent his money on when he was single. And there you have it. What could I possibly have thought about way back then?
Oh my, I am riled up indeed. I feel like a whole pit of rattlesnakes.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-05-09 01:57 pm (UTC)But that's okay, I think that's how it's always been.
Don't go to the hospital! The hospital's scary! Just come down here, I'll help ya. :)
I'm hoping by the time I have another one I'll have midwifey friends who will just 'stand by'. I'd like to do UC, but I still think I'd like someone there to take a peek and see how things are going every once and awhile. But it would be nice if it was a friend, so I could call 'em if I needed 'em and not if I didn't, you know?
no subject
Date: 2006-05-09 03:59 pm (UTC)