(no subject)

Myspace is starting to scare me. EVERYONE is there.

I have had a shitty day. It started out really well. Jake came home for lunch, Topie and I went for a drive, we came home, and then all hell broke loose. She's going through yet another incredibly fussy phase, which makes sense when i read about baby development. So it's nothing to worry about, it's just making me crazy. When Jake got home, I had pretty much had it, and he took care of her the whole evening. I took a long shower. Shaved my legs even, first time in months. They're asleep, and I'm just needing a little time to myself.

Tomorrow is this mommie's picnic. Oh yay, can't wait, all that. I'm debating with myself, again, whether it's worthwhile to force oneself to be social for the SAKE of being social, as opposed to being highly selective and choosing to be social with people who actually add something to your life. It's all such a pain in the ass. I'll be labeled the one with the "bad attitude", as ever.

(no subject)

I really don't know what's wrong with me. Yes, I've had a frazzled few days, but I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. I feel like I haven't had five minutes with Jake without Topaz screaming at us. I want to scream myself.

I wish Taylor was here.

Maybe i'm upsetting myself looking all these people up, thinking about the past, remembering stuff best forgotten, and just realising that even though I've put so much of it out of my mind, it's all still there. Sometimes I'm shocked with the awareness that Texas even still exists. I see these people on myspace, that I was in KINDERGARTEN with, and they're these wild party girls, and it literally turns my stomach. I guess I feel extremely alone sometimes. In a weird, profound sense, not so much the literal sense.

I've been contemplating the notion that my life is nothing more than a reflection of the contrariness that is at my core. My dad always encouraged me to be different, and to stand up for what I believe, and not to conform to society's standards. And like it or not, that's been my very personality, and I'm wondering to what extent it is shaping my life even now. Look at my parenting ideas, my diet, my lifestyle, my thoughts. It's all against the grain. It's CONTRARY. For the sake of contrariness? I hope not. I like to believe that I am just more conscious than most people, more aware of the game we're all playing, and that I have CHOICES because of it. Am I kidding myself? Would I be happier or more content if I just let it all go and did what was "normal" and let myself become indistinguishable from everyone else? Should I just buy Topaz a crib and put her in another room? Buy some formula and leave her with a sitter while I go have a massage?

Should I just go have some fucking cheesecake? Because that's what I want to do. I'm sure it would just ruin my whole fucking life.

I just want to SCREAM, and I'm not even sure WHY.

(no subject)

Melancholy. That's what this is. Or a case of the mean reds.

Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so

possible diaper bag fabrics
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(no subject)

We're going to try baby sign language. There is nothing more annoying in this world than toddlers who can't talk.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1932354018/sr=8-1/qid=1144803949/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-9679210-6936841?%5Fencoding=UTF8

My favorites on the computer is overloaded, so I use lj instead.

I know you all love it.

http://www.comcore21.com/edo-king-bed.htm
http://www.foamorder.com/view_image.php?domo_bed
http://www.haikudesigns.com/silk-comforters.htm

This should be my shopping icon.

(no subject)

http://www.claytowne.com/ct_gallery_ill_editorial_09.html