(no subject)

[valancystirling]

I went to the birth network group tonight. Walked in, saw midwife's assistant, sat down, stood up, walked out. I just couldn't be in the same room with her. Oh well. So much for that.

I know that I am an emotional person. Often overly so. And I know that it probably discredits much of what I say because I am better able to communicate what I feel than what I think and why. This is probably why I shouldn't pursue becoming a midwife, and why I should probably distance myself from pretty much everyone outside of this apartment, because I frustrate myself and others by speaking and acting out of emotion.

So whatever. I'm not arguing anymore, with anyone, about anything. It occurs to me that I just don't care anymore. I'll do what I'm going to do, for whatever reasons, and that will be that. I'm not interested in changing the world, because I think it's a lost cause. I don't care enough about people in general, so it's not worth the bother. I feel like I've set myself up to be in an argument with someone everywhere I turn. That's my problem, not anyone else's. So whatever. I retreat, having nothing further to say on the subject.

Comments

[brightsoul.livejournal.com]

haha..you sound like the innards of my head.
*but* there are people who would benefit from you and your opinions.
i have to say this - i totally love my midwife. we hit it off and have lots in common. we're both emotional, paranoid, anti-establishment, pro-women, pro-choice, feminine, opinionated women.

she's not for everyone.

before i hired her i met another midwife and while her philosophies were similar (it is women that 'birth' their children - not midwives who deliver them...that sort of thing) she just did not impress me. if she were the only option in town i would have researched unassisted birth or gone to the hospital.

months later a women joined my yoga class. one day the class discussed their birthing plans and turns out this women in particular was a client of that first midwife i interviewed. and while she might have also liked my midwife, there was just something about her that told me she and jen were a good match.

so just because you feel recluse-like and anti-social doesn't mean you always will. and it doesn't mean that some people won't appreciate that in you. but i hear you on the not wanting to change the world thing...it seems too much trouble.

[paquerette.livejournal.com]

Hi! OMG, you're close to me! And you seem very interesting. I would like to hang around here and read more.

Off the top of my head and knowing very little of the situation, I would say just give yourself some time to enjoy your baby and process things a bit. Some of the baggage really does fade in time.

But when you do get to feeling like you want company again, give me a holler. I know of like-minded mamas in your general neck of the woods. And if you feel like travelling, I'm trying to organize some get-togethers this summer down this way.

[valancystirling.livejournal.com]

Hello in Scranton! My husband and I used get down there once in a while. It's nice to know there's someone else around :)

I added you to my friends list, so you can see my friends-only post that fill in the blanks of the public posts. Yesterday I made a tag for posts having to do with my birth and thoughts about it up to now. http://valancystirling.livejournal.com/tag/birth