Your Friend the Computer

You know it is time to reassess your relationship with
your computer when....

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if
you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just
for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
processor.com

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a
computer.

8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really
depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you
landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL,
LOL".

13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

(no subject)

So maybe I won't wear a dress tonight. All my dresses are sleeveless summery dresses and I can't seem to find anything in the closet that I could wear over them to make them respectable. Grr. Oh well. Maybe I'll shock them another way and show up in what I'm wearing now: yoga pants and a sleeveless top. Yeah, that would go over really well.

Yesterday I did something horrible that I still feel guilty about. There's this little spider that lives outside on the patio door. I've seen it there any number of times and not been particularly bothered by it. I've always been on pretty good terms with small spiders that stay in one place and don't attack me. Whatever. So yesterday I left the door open a crack and later I saw that little spider crawling into the living room. I was not really upset by this. I grabbed a piece of paper and tried to coax the spider onto it for safe transmission back outside. Several attempts failed, and eventually i got frustrated and decided to flick the spider with the paper. A couple of sound flicks sent it flying back out to its little domain. But then I realised it looked hurt. It ran off to a corner, but later I noticed it was still in the same place not moving. Later still I noticed it in that corner all curled up in dead-spider-pose. I literally almost cried over it. I feel actual grief over killing that poor spider who was doing nothing but a bit of harmless exploring.

Jake and I both have a no-killing policy. Whenever there is an option to collect a bug and take it outside, that's what we do. I feel slight devastation if i accidentally step on a bug outside even. I am all upset over the fact that I hurt that little spider and it might have suffered until it died. Ugh. This only exacerbates my feeling that I'm only on this planet to take up space, waste oxygen, and plod along with my monster human feet destroying everything that has the misfortune to be in my path. What a lovely thought. My consolation is that soon enough i'll be feeding a bunch of worms who will no doubt be terribly grateful for my existence on this planet.

a most excellent joke from goregoregalore

Q. What's brown and sticky?

( Read more... )

A partial list of qualities that I myself possess but that I find highly irritating in others...

*extreme manic perkiness. (hi! you're wearing me out!)
*extreme depression and general gloominess and pessimism. (quitcher bitchin, would ya?)
*bossiness. (because *I* said so)
*know-it-all-ness. (you already KNOW THAT)
*control freakiness. (LET IT GO!!!)
*self-rightousness. (let's not fight over which of us is the better person.)
*arguing based on incorrect information, stupid preconceived notions, bigotry, total ignorance. (just listen to yourself. YOU SOUND STUPID AND YOU'RE GIVING ME AN ULCER.)
*stand-offishness and aloofness. (I will accuse you of being a goddamn Yankee)
*possessiveness and teritoriality. (it's MINE and how DARE you intrude into MY FUCKING LIFE??!)
*irrationality. (i can't reason with you and you can't reason with me.)
*inconsistent stances on various issues, ranging from sane to...less sane. (but...but...that was yesterday!)
*hypocrisy. (um...what is this list, exactly???)
*making lame excuses for everything and not taking responsibility for your own life. (oh, you didn't think i knew about that one, did you?)
*the utter conviction that i am RIGHT and everyone else is NOT RIGHT. (don't even argue with me on this one.)
*Type A-ness. (just stop. I was clearly a librarian in a past life.)
*whining about being a bad friend but not doing anything about it. Also, whining about never getting lj comments but rarely giving any out myself. (no comment.)
*inability to take criticism but penchant for dishing it out. (please be gentle with me you stupid cow)
*dominating a conversation, interrupting, talkng about me me me. (and did i tell you about the time...)


Yes, I'm sure there's a lot more...